I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
