i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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