I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
