Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
