you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
