sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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