May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
