He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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