I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
