I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
