so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
