Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
