Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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