Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
