He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
