fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
