Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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