Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
