my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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