About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
