I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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