your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
