Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
