Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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