You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
