they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
