somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
