I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
