you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
