Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
