i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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