apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I am one with the molecules
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
