Sry I called you an 8
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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