you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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