I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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