what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
