i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
