My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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