Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
