Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Non-Jews are for practice
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
