what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
