The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
