i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
