I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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