dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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