come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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