I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
People in love make me want to vomit
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
