My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
