My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My cat gives me a boner
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
