I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
