I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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