It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
