i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
