fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
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She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation