trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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