I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
too bad you live with your parents still
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
