My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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