if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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