My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
