there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
