If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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