I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
