Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
