so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
