Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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