we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
