I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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