I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
