I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
