Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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