somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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