so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
