No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
