We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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