I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
