I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
