my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
