It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Let's get the cat blown out
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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