So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
