I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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