just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
