I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I didn't notice because vodka
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
