Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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