Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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