Come see our sink grown plant.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
