am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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