Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
