Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
