We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I've blown a few things in my day
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
