my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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