I just made out with a guy for $7.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
