she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
