Someone shit on the floor
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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